he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
So squirting runs in the family.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
