I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
