Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
