There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
