It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
