the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
