ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
