So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
So vagazzling was a success
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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