I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
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