You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
