i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
this hospital has no fireball
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
