This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
