Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
My penis needs a shock collar
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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