Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
