we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
