Nicole vs. Life
I cockslap morals
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
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