He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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