TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
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