I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i permit you to call me
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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