I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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