Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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