I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
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