Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
