i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Randomize
