ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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