i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
