Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
