Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
We're too hungover to prance.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize