she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
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