What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Why are your pants in the freezer?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
