OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
