Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
