Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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