Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
