Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
