My nipple is on Facebook.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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