i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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