On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
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