oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I forgot how hot balto sounded
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You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
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Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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