well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
