I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
