Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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