What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
She just used a chaser for red wine.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
