Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
