she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
