I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
