So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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