i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Dignity is for republicans.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
We need a shit load of segways right now
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Randomize
