I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
