Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
