Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
