A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize