Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
time to smoke my breakfast
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
