the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Randomize
