Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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