Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
