batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
