It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
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