i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
