I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Drake has all the answers
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
