Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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