My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
