If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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