You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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