I just threw up on my dentist
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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