Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
