i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
