why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
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I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
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I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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