No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
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Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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