Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Hello my rib-scented angel!
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