if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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