roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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