TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
