tell your sister to shave her snatch
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
