but the lizard people decide everything anyway
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
