so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
