i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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