I cockslap morals
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
