Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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